(My apologies if any of this blog triggers you. I really needed to express what I am feeling today, and I thank you for allowing me to share this with you. Many blessings.)
Divine Creator, have I healed my heart only to feel the pain of others so intensely, so heart-wrenchingly open wounded? So, the walls have come down, the gates unlocked and thrown open under the onslaught of emotions so enormous I can barely breathe beneath the weight of them. I did not think that opening my heart would allow me to feel such naked, raw emotional pain.
I had other thoughts on this process. I thought I would freely give love, and be loving, more loving than I had ever been. I can honestly say that I am a more loving person, kinder and more generously giving of loving kindness to those who need it. My own healing has been filled with releasing past pain, betrayals, brutish anger and physical abuse, the other women and my own lack of self-worth.
Maybe the pain I feel when I see other people suffering is really re-living the experience of my own pain. It makes me wonder at the wisdom in healing my heart, of opening it up like picking the scab off a bad wound. What I do know is that the pain I feel within my heart is physical, deep and unhealed.
I cannot bear to watch the news on TV. It is filled with betrayal, lies, anger, war, mother’s children being forced to kill another woman’s son or daughter. I do not understand why after thousands of years of war, rape and killing, humans have not learned another way to exist.
It is always the women and children who bear the destruction of their lives that always accompanies war. Oh, yes, men die also and often have no choice but to fight in a war. How many more must perish because of greed, hatred, and revenge? How many more lives will be wasted on the battlegrounds of Mother Earth?
I have escorted the souls of men, women and children who have died in the war machine, through a portal into the hands and arms of waiting angels who will see them home. I have looked into the hearts of small children who have passed, only to see bewilderment and fear where there should be only love. It is sacred service, one that I do without hesitation, for it is needed.
I know how to stop the pain I feel yet I am unwilling to close my heart down again. I’ve worked so hard to heal it and open it, to wall it up once more. Planet Earth has been through enough, the pain of watching her children of all species die under the boots of men who sell their souls for material gain.
I am the Divine Warrioress. This is why I am here at this time, a servant of the Light, willing to do what needs to be done, to save this planet and all that live upon her. I can bear my own suffering but not that of others. I can be knocked to my knees, but I have lost count of the times I have risen and been reborn, a phoenix bringing hope, faith and love.
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