Many words have been written about Forgiveness. All of them have been written through the perspective of the writer. Their words share what they have personally experienced. Some of their knowledge may be similar to our own understanding, our own interpretation and our own awareness of forgiveness.
I want to share my personal journey and discovery of what forgiveness can achieve. Maybe in the telling, it will encourage you to crack open your heart, to open up fully to healing it and embrace all the pain and joy you will experience when you do.
Yes, I did say pain, the dreaded ‘P’ word. The feeling we avoid at all costs, the one we will do anything to distract ourselves from experiencing. The one that keeps us locked up inside and isolated from what we all really want; to feel loved and to give love.
Pain was my indicator that things were not all right with me. Pain was my meter by which I measured what was working and what wasn’t working in my life. And I ran from the pain as fast as I could because it hurt so much. The real reason it hurt so much is that what caused the pain had never been healed. The trauma of being hurt stays with us until we do the work required to heal the wounds on our heart.
Forgiveness was a way to heal the pain I felt. The first one I needed to forgive was myself. If I had been taken advantage of, I forgave my gullibility. If I had hurt another person in any way, I forgave my lack of understanding and compassion. If I had been manipulated by someone to get what they wanted, I forgave my need to people please. If I had been loved by someone special that I fell out of love with and broke their heart, I forgave myself for not being honest at the time.
Forgiveness is what I did for myself so I could begin to heal. It is not something I did for another person, who may or may not even remember the incident that caused me to be hurt. I began with what was easiest for me to forgive. I forgave myself for gaining weight, for not exercising, for lying to someone, for calling in sick to work when I was healthy, for not being able to forgive someone when half of the problem was me, for breaking someone’s heart. With each act of self-forgiveness, I slowly began to heal.
As I went through the process of self-healing, over time, my memory reminded me of others I needed to forgive across the years of my life. A parent who just wasn’t there for me; a first love who walked away toward another person; a husband that cheated on me; the child who chose to live with the other person when my marriage fell apart, and anyone else who caused me massive pain. It wasn’t necessary to forgive someone in person; a heart-felt apology was all I needed to feel for healing to occur.
The continuing practice of forgiveness healed and opened my heart a little bit at a time. Eventually, I felt ready to choose to care and trust again. I began to understand the power of forgiveness and I began to share my slowly healing self with others. I began to feel so much better and was able to extend that feeling to other people through small acts of kindness. Forgiveness has led me to kindness, for myself and anyone I interact with.
I fought the resistance to feeling the pain, to face it with compassion for myself and to do the work of forgiveness. I don’t know if I will ever be completely healed of emotional pain, but I am so much better and clearer in my heart chakra than I ever have been in my whole life. I chose to go through this experience because I wanted to feel better, to be happier and to share this happiness with everyone.
Living with an open heart isn’t easy but the opposite is denying life itself. There is an inner peace that comes from living in the heart chakra. There is no fear there. There is no hatred or anger there. There is only pure love and that is all we are meant to feel. All else is illusion, part of the experience of living on planet Earth.
Humans are meant to be loving beings. Living in emotional pain was never part of our inherent qualities. Earth was supposed to be a paradise for all creatures, not just humans. Somewhere along the millions of years, the plan for this planet was corrupted and perverted. But it does not have to continue along this path.
Those of us who are here now can and are creating change in how we choose to feel, to interact with others, to share what we have learned and to return this planet to its original design. Once we have experienced forgiveness and learned from it, we must share it fully with others so they also can heal and grow into Love.
This is what I have learned and is one of the greatest lessons of my life. Deciding to go through the pain to heal my heart is one of the best choices I have made. Forgiveness is an act of strength, not of weakness. I am stronger in my convictions, healthier in my emotions and more compassionate in my heart.
I extend a blessing of Forgiveness and Love to you. May you learn and experience the gift of Forgiveness in your own life.