The year was 2017, the day was Aug.4, just two days after our 25th wedding anniversary. I had just arrived home from vending all day at a gem and mineral show. I was so excited to tell my husband how much money I had made – $1600, the most money I had ever earned in one day. When I excitedly told my husband how much I had come home with, his reaction was not what I had hoped for. It was as if I had come home with 1600 pounds of cow manure.
An argument ensued, one of the worst ones ever. He expressed his complete dissatisfaction with me, really dumping a lot of anger on me. At one point, he looked at me and asked, “do you want to know what’s really bothering me?” I hesitated, then replied, “sure.” He looked me in the eye and said, “I don’t like you.”
Those four little words shattered my whole illusion of my life. I watched it break along with my heart into a thousand tiny pieces. The realization that I didn’t like me either, hit like a ton of bricks. I turned and walked away, down the hall, into the two-room apartment in the back part of our house. I didn’t know it at the time, but this space would become my sanctuary, a place for me to heal and recreate my life in my image.
You see, I had been living his idea of how I should earn money and live my life. At the time, I had been housecleaning for 26 years. It had taken its toll on my body and mental attitude. I was tired and burned out from working a job that had little personal satisfaction for me. I made so much money that I couldn’t replace it with another job.
When I met my husband, I was a talented, professional belly dancer, something I had a great passion for. I loved performing, taking the audience on a journey of fun and delight. It made me feel so high. But housecleaning soon wore my body down so much that I couldn’t teach dance or continue performing. I had to give it up. I didn’t have the energy to keep dancing and working.
With the dance gone, I lost my joy in living. I became a drudge. I gained weight. I had no extra energy for exercising or even taking care of myself. I no longer recognized the woman in the mirror. I wasn’t last on my list of things to do — I wasn’t even on the list. For me, housecleaning was soul killing. 2:26 min.
I had so little regard for myself, I wasn’t important enough to be included on a list. This is where my healing began. I put my self at the top of my list. I reconnected with my deep inner self, long hidden away. I explored who I was and who I genuinely wanted to become. I made peace with my inner child and revisited the past and all that I had once enjoyed.
I reread books seeking to find the treasure in each one. I picked up my guitar and wrote a few songs. I began to journal, each day recording how I felt, my successes, along with all the tears and pain. Finding small moments of joy, I began to heal.
Gradually, I recreated my life in my image, choosing each day the things I enjoyed and acting on them. I whole-heartedly sought my bliss, reveling in the freedom and personal strength I felt.
There were many lessons I had to learn to truly move into my higher self. As I began to forgive myself, I was guided to forgive my husband, people in my present and people from my past. I realized that carrying around resentment or any bad feelings toward someone only damaged my inner peace and feelings of worth. You see, forgiveness is something you do for yourself, not the other person.
Slowly, I released anger, choosing to go with the flow when things weren’t going well. I discovered that getting mad over small, trivial events only made matters worse. I learned to control my reactions about the little things.
Because I cannot possibly know what another’s life plan is, I cannot assume to know their reasons why they take certain actions. Another’s actions have no reflection on me unless I choose to judge them. Judgement is an act of superiority and elitism. Judgement is a deficit in our integrity.
I dealt with fear, which is not nearly as bad as my mind wants to make it. When I face my fears, I learn from the experience. Being afraid is extremely low vibrational energy and eats up life force. My thoughts can either diminish my energy or raise my energy. Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real.
What kept me going through all the difficulties? I still had a lot of life left to live. I wanted to spend that time doing activities that had meaning in my life. I had enough of living a life someone else thought I should live. Never again! I mastered the lessons I need to learn to move on. Never again would I give up my personal power in an effort to keep someone in my life. And I wanted really to enjoy my life again. (6:18)
I want to share with you the 8 WARNING SIGNS of giving up your power in a relationship.
- His life becomes more important than your life. It begins to dominate your energy and time.
- He begins to change certain things about you, all under the insidious guise of taking an interest in you, of seeming to really care. This usually begins with you needing to lose weight, wear different clothes, find a job that makes more money.
- You spend less and less time with family and friends. His life is now your life.
- Your own interests begin to take a back seat, doing less and less of the activities that make you happy. He may even discount the things you enjoy.
- You experience fewer moments of joy, peace and love.
- You are no longer the person you once were.
- You no longer recognize the woman in the mirror.
- You don’t even realize what has happened, that you have given up your power in the relationship. All you know is that you are miserable.
One of the worst things about giving up your power, is that you also give up all the gifts and talents you innately possess. You and the world will never know the amazing creations you might have brought forth — artwork, dance, books, clothing, music, service, the list is endless. You were given them to use, not set them aside, never to be looked at again. Please, please don’t let your gifts and talents go to waste.
I can help you navigate your path to reclaiming your power, however it unfolds for you. I’ve fallen into the traps that society sets for us, surviving the dark nights of the soul, becoming my own hero and learning to love myself, maybe for the first time in your life.
All my life experiences have led me to this exact moment, to stand here before you and bare my soul. I am the Pathfinder. I’ve been to the scary unknown, blazed a trail and fought my way through the roughest time of my life. I rebirthed my soul and a brand-new version of me.
I’m hoping my story enables you to look at your situation truthfully and to make the choice to reclaim your power. You were not meant to play a supporting role in the life of another. Don’t ever be afraid to let your light shine. You are meant to be the star of your life. And you might just become a guiding light for another woman lost in the dark.
It’s your decision. Will you choose continued bondage? Or will you choose freedom and a life that expresses your authentic self?