Awareness
The time on my phone read 3:00am. I wasn’t ready to be awake yet. I still wanted to sleep. I went to the bathroom and returned to my quickly cooling bed. I found the still warm spot where I had been snuggled under the covers. My mind began to run its 3am program of things I needed to do.
I really didn’t want to listen to this litany from my ego mind. I was aware of what was happening. Not willing to accept the low vibrational feelings that would develop if I allowed my mind to continue, I chose to think of something that made me feel good. I picked a memory of Yosemite in winter. Snow covered the ground, very few tourists and how good the coffee tasted in the Awahnee Lodge.
My ego countered with how much I needed to donate unused items to the thrift store. So much stuff I no longer needed. How could I continue to let this go on? Again, I picked another good memory, this one from a three-week road trip I had taken with my mother. We were camping at Lake Powell in Utah drinking an after- dinner cup of coffee. The coyotes were just started to sing their evening song. The sun was almost down and the sky wore a muted blanket of orange, red and purple.
This back-and-forth mind game went on for about fifty minutes until I fell asleep. I used my power over my conscious mind and negated each undesirable thought as it came up. This is something I’ve been working on in the daytime. I am no longer willing to allow my ego mind to take control and constantly nag me into negative emotions. Feeling happy and content the majority of the time is a goal I want to achieve. Becoming aware of my mind and it’s constant chattering is the first step.
The next step involves the continued monitoring of my thoughts and to be aware of how I am feeling at any given moment. My emotions flow as easily as water running down a hill. Rocks and other obstacles might slow the water but it keeps on going. My unwanted thoughts are the obstacles within my mind. I can pay attention to them or make the choice to stay in the present, keeping my emotions at a higher level.
When my emotions are of high vibrational energy, I feel better. I enjoy feeling happy. I desire to be happy. Being in a state of happiness is an achievable goal, one I can reach through monitoring my habitual thoughts and replacing them with pleasant memories. I am off to a good start. Through awareness of what thought pattern my ego is running, I am able to create high vibrational thought patterns of my own choosing. Feeling happy is the emotion I want to feel and is completely under my control.
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