Religion Ruined My Relationship with God
My first experience with religion happened when I was four years old. For some reason, my mother decided to take my brother and I to church. I was dropped off in the Sunday school classroom while mom and my brother went into the “big church”. I didn’t feel comfortable in the classroom. I was completely out of my comfort zone as I knew none of the other children. When the time came to put our donation money in the small church-shaped bank, I was too intimidated to do it. At the end of the class, I found the courage to speak up about it and was told it was too late to contribute my money. I felt like God had judged me and found me unacceptable with my meager offering. Then as we were leaving, I wanted to look inside the “big church” and was told I couldn’t go in there. Once more I felt rejected.
This experience left a huge impression on me. I wasn’t raised in a family that went to church although over the years I did attend church with my friends when they asked. I just didn’t fit in and never felt as if I belonged there. Of course, being laughed at in one Sunday school class for pronouncing the P in psalms didn’t help one bit. I never felt the presence of God or Jesus in church. The information that God was a loving god was over-shadowed by stories of God punishing people and taking his revenge on them for their sinful actions. If this was the kind of being that God was, why would I want to have any kind of relationship with Him? My experiences with organized religions destroyed any relationship I might have had with God. It wasn’t God’s fault. It was the control that the leaders of the various religions I looked into that kept me from wanting to know God.
In my twenties, I fulfilled a childhood dream and bought a horse. I had wanted a horse ever since I knew they existed. There is a picture of me as a four-year-old reaching up to pet the nose of a horse as it reached its head over a barbed wire fence. I had no fear. I had many adventures with my horse. We participated in gymkanas, we herded cattle, we went on long rides through lush, grass-covered fields in springtime. Sunday mornings, I would be in the saddle by six am, riding out in nature. I always felt that if God was going to be anywhere, it was in the beauty of wild spaces untouched by man. Why would God want to be in a man-made building when He had created amazing scenery for us to enjoy? In spite of this realization, it never occurred to me to connect with God.
I have learned that it is never too late to find God. In my early sixties, I kept hearing an inner call to live a more spiritual life. I ignored the call for awhile but as it became more frequent and more insistent, I finally surrendered. I made a commitment to do as I was asked even though I had no idea of what was expected of me. My inner guidance led me to learn about things which previously I had no interest in. I learned to trust my intuition. I discovered that I was a channel for information coming from Spirit. An attraction to oracle cards gave me a voice of guidance for people seeking clarity and understanding of their lives.
I was guided to attend a local angel circle facilitated by a wonderfully warm and loving woman. Through the twice monthly meetings, I was introduced to the Archangels. Archangel Michael with his powers of protection and Archangel Raphael with his healing abilities continue to be my favorites. I call on them frequently for their aid. I also introduce them to people in need of their services with the message that an angel needs to be asked for help. Angels are forced to wait for us to call on them as we have free-will by Divine decree. We need to ask them for assistance. Our requests need not be voiced in any particular manner. We simply speak with them as we would a friend. “Archangel Michael, please protect me as I go through my day.” “Archangel Raphael, please send your healing emerald light to my friend who has cancer.” No request is too large for them to accomplish.
My inner spiritual work has focused on my heart center, of healing the pain and trauma of this and past lives. I don’t remember the exact moment when I accepted a connection with God, but I know that my heart was finally opened enough to reveal the Divine presence inside it, which had been there all along. I discovered that I don’t really need someone else to speak to God for me. I AM a being endowed with the spark of my Creator that gives me life. I have a direct connection with the original creator of my soul. For me, God isn’t some male figurehead that exists off-earth somewhere. The presence of our creator lives within us, always residing in our heart. It is up to us to discover this energy and to communicate with God in whatever way is acceptable for us.
May your day be blessed with Love and Light.
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