AN ALTERED STATE OF EXPERIENCE
12/28/2020: I was listening to some Native American chants and songs through headphones. I must have entered an altered state because my twin flame showed up right away. He held out his hand and asked me to come with him. I said no. He asked again, I said no. He asked a third time, and I took his hand. Immediately he changed into an Indian whose name was Brave Buffalo. I became an Indian maiden, though I can’t remember her name. We mounted ponies and rode a short distance to a teepee. We dismounted and he took my hand to lead me inside. I refused. I knew that if I went inside with him, we would be a married couple. He has married me before in other dimensions and it made me happy each time. Not this time! When I realized what he was doing, it hurt me so badly, my heart exploded, as if a bomb had hit it. The pain was tremendous, I actually felt it in my physical body, and it curled me into a fetal position in bed. I began sobbing and crying. It was an awful experience. Back in the vision, I became angry and lit into him, asking him if this was some sort of sick game he was playing with me. I asked him how many times he was going to break my heart. I was so mad I was yelling at him. I told him if he wanted me, he could come to see me in the flesh. I wanted to leave but I also didn’t want to. I turned my back on him and came out of the vision. My earthly guardian angel showed up immediately energetically and wrapped his beautiful angel wings around me tightly. It was so comforting and just what I needed. I fell quickly fell asleep.
1/1/2021: I woke up this morning with the realization of a huge black hole in my chest where my heart had been. I entered where my heart used to be and stood in a large bomb crater. At the very bottom of it, a tiny rose plant was growing with one white rose bud on it. At I looked at it, the bud opened up into a perfect rose. I sat down to observe it.
Mother Mary joined me and said she would help me to rebuild my heart center. I thanked her for her offer, and we went to work. We used the energy of Love to recreate my heart chakra. The chamber where the lotus flower was next, after that, the silver pearl. I watched the lotus unfold all of its 144 petals and then called in the emerald and golden flame.
I stepped up into the lotus and stood in the flame, releasing so much anguish, anger, self-doubt, confusion, lack of direction and more. I opened up to Self, to Love, to Compassion, to Courage, to continuing Service and Healing. Right now, I feel empty, though, still feeling the effects of my heart exploding. More healing is needed, that’s for sure.
1/3: (this is how I was feeling on this day.)I have lost my joy in living. I am tired in body, mind and spirit. Divine Mother, I need a spiritual hug of great dimension. I am drowning in a sea of nothingness. I want to stop swimming. I just want to sink to the bottom as I have no energy to keep going on like this. Is this the dark before the dawn? Or just another dark night of the soul to wallow through?
When my heart exploded, something major happened to me. I can’t explain what but I lost something, I think. Something of great value. I still feel empty inside. No wonder I over-eat. I am a hollow shell of who I used to think I was.
1/4: I kept hearing that I should share this amazing experience with all of you. The lesson and information that came through this morning is one we can all benefit from.
It was a strange experience to actually be in an altered state and yet feel the emotional pain so strongly in the physical. I was shown in the aftermath of this experience what it felt like to have no heart center, to be so separated from Love, Father/Mother/God and the Divine Feminine. A soul so lost and alone in isolation, devoid of all joy and no hope in the future. I needed to experience what lost souls experience in their daily lives. It was a most horrific experience!!
These souls need our unconditional love even though we may think of them as unlovable. All lost souls need to have the light of love shine on them, to feel the warmth of love even in their bleakest moments. As do we, when we are in the blackest part of a dark night of the soul. Our God spark still glows faintly but bright enough for us to find it in the gloom of our personal despair. We need to remember that Mother Mary always holds the candle to bring us home again.
Thank you, Great Divine Mother, for this amazing lesson. I was angry at my twin but now I understand that my greatest lessons come from him. He is the only one strong enough to deliver such immense pain to me and still come from a place of unconditional love. I am blessed in the Light of Love.
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